March 30, 2009
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Formation, a reason to homeschool
There has been some talk lately about homeschooling on Xanga. My son, P_Obrien, wrote a post concerning this topic, which you can read here, http://p-obrien.xanga.com/the innocents. I would like to put in my two cents from a parents point of view.
This is not the original reason why we homeschooled our children but it became an overriding reason as the years went on and, as I get older and witness more and more of what the world has to offer to these young people, it becomes, for me, more and more of a compelling reason to keep your children at home and school them, not only in academics but in life.
Early on when people became aware of the fact that we intended to keep our children at home, one of the most oft expressed concerns was socialization. At the time I was at a loss as to how to explain away other’s concerns. In my heart I somehow felt that this wasn’t going to be a problem, after all we were going to have a large family and there is always plenty of socialization going on in a large family. Also, with church and community activities that we were involved with as a family I felt that this concern was unfounded. Sure we knew other families in our area who were homeschooling for the very reason that they wanted to isolate their children from the influence of others and were insulating them and keeping them exclusively at home. But this family isn’t like that and surely wasn’t going to become like that. But still, as these concerns were voiced over and over I wanted to have a well thought out and intelligent answer to give. Perhaps my pride entered into this, I didn’t want to sound unqualified to teach my children either.
Now I have only one answer to those who ask about socialization when speaking about homeschooling. Of course I’m not asked anymore since my youngest is 17 and is obviously well socialized, but when discussing the topic in general terms, I have only one answer to give; forget socialization, formation is far more important. Socialization is something that comes along naturally.
What do I mean by formation? Formation, from the point of view of a parent and a Catholic parent at that, is raising your child in faith. It is molding their thoughts, words and deeds so that they conform themselves to the image of Christ. Sounds like brainwashing? Well maybe, but isn’t that what all parents do? From the earliest days of childhood when you tell them “no, don’t touch that” you are molding the thoughts, words and deeds of your child to conform to something. To some idea you, as a parent have to what is right and good behavior. By allowing certain books, movies, games, and friends and not allowing others you are saying that these influences are okay with me and these others are not. By supplying the reasoning behind your decisions, as they get older and able to more fully understand, you are supplying them with the power to take your teaching and apply it to situations where you aren’t present.
As a Catholic parent I simply add the teachings of Christ through the Catholic church to the mix. I add a prayer life, the learning of, preparation for, and the frequent reception of the sacraments to the reasoning behind all that I tell my children is right and good or not at all acceptable. And, since I am charged by God, and when I say “I am charged” I mean both my husband and myself, to be the first and foremost teachers of my children, it then only stands to reason that this duty not be relegated to the public school system, or even the Catholic school system or anyone else for that matter. In other words, I take this charge seriously.
Have I let others influence my children? Without doubt, try to keep it from happening. You’d have to live in a bubble to avoid this from happening. But up until their teen years this influence has been controlled and then it has been much discussed. Even contact with close friends, although they may seem to have the same philosophy about child rearing, was greatly monitored. A little example. When she was younger, perhaps 11 or 12, my daughter stayed overnight with a friend. The family has been friends since the mother and I grew up together. The older girls wanted to watch the movie Titanic that evening and the mom called to ask in MK could watch too. The answer was an emphatic no. I asked if they could even hold off watching it until the next evening when MK wouldn’t be there since I knew the house well and she would be able to hear the dialogue well from where she would be sleeping although she wouldn’t be able to see the movie itself. I was told that was ok. Well, it turned out that the begging of the older girls prevailed and the movie was shown. My daughter was subjected to the dialogue of a movie that my husband and I both would not only not let her see but I had to spend the next afternoon explaining things to my young daughter that I felt I should not have had to do. The moral of that story; just because you are close friends with a family doesn’t mean that their restrictions are your restrictions. Ever after we changed the movie watching policy when they were away from home. If we haven’t seen it first the answer was no. I went and got the child or provided an alternative from our collection.
Can you protect them from everything? No, absolutely not. That is not the point. The point is formation. To form their conscience and their wills so that they have the tools and the strength necessary to combat what ills come along in life. And if they fall, to provide them with the tools necessary to help them pick themselves up and start over again to serve God and begin again to strive to be what He expects of them.
*Note: This is not a statement that I feel all should homeschool their children. There are those out there whose circumstances do not allow this to be. This is merely a statement of what I feel to be a very important reason for keeping your kids home if it is something that you can do. Obviously we are all trying to do the best that we can for our children. Only God knows our intentions and what is in our hearts.
Comments (12)
I am bothered by the idea that this family thought that movie was fit for children to see at that age. There is at least one very sexually explicit scene in it, and nudity makes a frequent appearance (no pun intended). Certainly NOT fit for children! Add that the graphic death scene of the bodies floating in the water is stuff that even adults can have nightmares from, let alone just seeing the tragedy unfold with a certain result that the responsible adults should have known about.
disturbed
cm
As parents all we can do for our kids is what we think is best for them.
More inspiration, heart-sister! Jared and I have been discussing this, and though it will mean a loss of income for me to stay home and teach the children, the rewards completely outweigh the loss. Even the Catholic schools in this area are full of ideas we don’t want our children to pick up, and the academic standards are far below what we think they should be. Ash and Nate will finish out this school year (6th Grade for her, 4th for him), and begin homeschooling within a few weeks. Thanks for posting this!
Your Frumpy Friend
@TheLoquaciousLady - Standards are an important thing. The prevailing idea that kids will get into trouble, it just can’t be helped, is a self fulfilling prophacy. If you expect the best of your kids, realistically, they will step up and try to live up to them. If you expect them to fail, then why should they try. I will keep your efforts in my prayers. Income is not as important as the souls that have been entrusted to your care, as you so well know. You are a good wife and mother to let your husband fulfill his role as husband and provider and for you to live up to yours as heart of the home and wife and mother. That is job enough.
So very true. I don’t get the socialization questions from anyone who
knows our family, not any more. There are some public school teachers
among the relatives, and they’ve been the most curious and “concerned”
about us, but only from a distance. The more time they spend with us,
the more they relax about it. I think more than anything they take it
personally that we choose to opt out of the government system, and
there might be a sense on their part that we are dissing them. But as
good as they might be as individual teachers, it’s not about that. The
entire atmosphere is so detrimental in the schools these days, no
single teacher can counteract the overall effect of hours and hours,
day after day, year after year, spent under extreme negative peer
influence. I recognize that there are many people for whom home
education is literally not possible, and I feel for them so – what a
battle they have to fight for their children.
I heartily agree with you. If I could do it over, I would definitely homeschool.
YES YES YES YES!!! You and your son have just perfectly encapsulated everything I’ve ever wanted to say about my decision to homeschool. I could hug you both!
@JMHardens060703 - I consider myself hugged! So go forth and educate your children. Have you read Mary Kay Clark’s book Catholic Homeschooling? or Laura Berquist’s Desigining Your Own Classical Curriculum? I use Berquist’s approach and curriculum. It is excellent with lots of wiggle room and room for exploration.
I have both of those and have read all of Berquist’s book and about half of Clark’s book. They’re a lot of help, for sure, especially considering the possible learning delays that Thomas might have. (John doesn’t want to take him to a specialist because labels and medications are handed out like candy in our area, so I am not sure what we’re going to do there, but Thomas has shown a very clear interest in reading, so I think that may be our window into the workings of his mind.)
@JMHardens060703 - Stay away from testing. Remember he is a boy. Sorry to generalize but they do develop slower than girls do. I don’t know what the regulations about reporting are in PA but I would check into them and work around them. Don’t be intensive with him yet. Work with him yes, but don’t expect much in the way of any “fine” type of advances. Work with recognition of numbers and letters, work with sounds if he can handle that and do lots and lots of exploration with science and number manipulation and number concepts if he seems able to do that. Stay away from the pencil if he has trouble with it. Don’t tax him with something that he isn’t capable of yet. Two of my sons did their work all orally up until the second grade because they were totally incapable of holding and working with a pencil until then. Suddenly they were able to do it and I think it was all a matter of maturity and development. I did a lot of gross motor development with them and a lot of exploration type of work with them. When they graduated you would never have known that they had such trouble when they started out.
Have you checked out my friend Joann’s blog site yet? She uses a lot of online sources that weren’t available when I was starting out. There are a lot of low and no cost things online that you can do that are fun and educational at the same time. Finally, the greatest single thing that any parent can do for their child, whether homeschooling or not is to read to them. Go to the library weekly and get out as many books as you can carry. Make reading to them an umbreakable part of your evening routine. We used to max out our library cards each week and read two and three books a night to the kids. When they got older there were always two or three chapter books going. The library is your absolutely best resource. You will find suggestions for all kinds of great books on Joann’s blog also. She is a great mother and reads to her kids without fail. You will also find sites with lists of books that are suitable for children linked on her site.
Hope that all of this is helpful. I will try to come up with a list of suitable exploration type of things to do with Thomas. At this point in time, though I wouldn’t be worried about him. Keep stimulating him and I think that it is a matter of time and he will come along just fine.
@perelandra30 - I agree completely about the testing. He has the same issues about writing. He loved it for about a week, but became frustrated with his struggle to hold a pencil properly, so he won’t do it now. Even finger paints upset him if I ask him to try writing a letter or number, so that is back-burnered for now. But he loves reading. I really enjoy reading to them. And now that Spring is on the way, I am going to make an effort to do more nature walks and such to really get the science juices going for them. As for the library, I think I’m going to have to make that a once weekly event for them. I don’t get the car often, but I think John will concede to once a week.
I don’t know that you’ve told me about Joann’s site. I’d love to see it if you could post the link for me. I’m always interested in trying to find new and different ways to reach the kids. Thanks so much!
@JMHardens060703 - Joann’s site is tenkidsandadog.blogspot.com Go back through her posts and find all kinds of great things to do with the kids. She isn’t big on pencil and paper work so I think that it should work for Thomas. The older I get and the more kids I come into contact with the more inclined I am to say that staying away from that type of intensive academics is the way to go with little ones. I don’t believe in neglecting them all together and I do believe in order of some kind and regular schooling each day. But to make them sit with a pencil in their hands of hours on end is more detrimental than it is helpful, especially for little boys. There are those out there who would probably shoot me for generalizing like this but since I raised five I think that I can safely say that they develop slower than girls do and need to be stimulated in a more gross fashion for longer than little girls do. My daughter could color in a coloring book for hours but not one of my boys would sit still for that at all.