Layn's first injury in the fight to learn how to walk.  Suck it up little dude!  The big dude says that every guy has to have some scars.  They're a sign of character.

Staying on the Bull

 They met at a rodeo.  His name was Joe and was he ever handsome.  You know, your classic kind of handsome, blonde hair and blue eyes with a rangy build and tall, boy was he tall; six feet eight in his stocking feet.  Melody was just the opposite.  If she made five feet that was stretching things, everything about her was petite.  She had a pert little auburn pony tail that swung back and forth when she walked.  The first thing that Joe noticed about her was the jut of her tiny little chin and the way it made her look like she was spoiling for a fight, a perfect girl for a cowboy.

     When the chute opened and the bull with Joe on its back burst forth Melody couldn’t help but notice him.  The crowd went wild and so did she.  The longer that he stayed on it’s back the more mesmerized she became with that tall man clinging to the bull that was fighting to be shut of its burden.  Melody turned to the man next to her and enquired about the cowboy.

     “Do you know the name of the man who is riding the bull?” she asked, “I have never seen anyone stay on a bull that long.”

     The gentleman looked at her as if she had just been born and said, “That’s Joe Martel! He’s the best bull rider in the south! You mean to tell me you never heard of him?”

     Melody just smiled and shook her head.  Then she turned back to the ring where Joe was still on the bull’s back.  She may not have known who he was before but she was determined to know a lot more about him in the future.

    Three years later Melody and Joe were a couple.  From the moment that they were introduced that day at the rodeo it was as if they were meant to be together.  Sure they had their rough moments as every couple does but they always seemed to come through.  But Joe had a dark secret that it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to conceal.  The more time that he spent with Melody the more trouble he had hiding the pall of depression that came down over his mind when he least expected it.  He was wrong though, Melody had begun to suspect that there was a problem every time that Joe drank too much.  

     Christmas was rapidly approaching and for some reason it always seemed to be a particularly hard time for Joe.  He never really knew why, nothing bad had happened to him at Christmas time he just seemed to “not get it” the way that other people did.  While everyone else was having parties and celebrating he just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide.  Melody on the other hand was all about Christmas.  She had decorated their apartment to the point that Joe didn’t think there was room for any more tinsel or lights.  Even her car had a wreath hung on the front of it.  Every trip to the mall resulted in more secrets and an ever growing pile of wrapped packages in the spare room. 

     “Now Joe, don’t you go peeking,” she cautioned him one evening.  “You know I don’t like you to try and guess what is in those gifts that I bought for you.”  “And don’t forget that Christmas Eve we are invited to your folks place to celebrate, so you need to get home from the stables early for a change.”

     Joe couldn’t forget about the celebration at his parent’s house on Christmas Eve.  That was a tradition that dated back to a time before he was born.

     “I won’t forget, Melody,” Joe said, “I just have to stop and pick up one last present then I’ll be home around five.”

     Joe tried to smile and sound excited about the coming celebration but Melody wasn’t fooled.

     “Joe, are you feeling all right?  If you don’t want to go to your parent’s house I am sure they will understand.”

     “Melody, I am fine, just a bit tired. I wouldn’t miss Christmas Eve with my parents for the world.”  Joe protested with hands outstretched.  “I think that the rush of the holidays is just taking its toll on me is all.”

   Melody looked at him in disbelief but decided not to pursue the discussion.  It was late already and they were both going to have to hurry to get to work on time.    She felt something in Joe that wasn’t right but didn’t know how to put her finger on what it was and couldn’t seem to get him to tell her what it was either.  When they were together he was happy and carefree, only she could tell that underlying the smile there was a layer of sadness that even their closeness didn’t seem to touch. The memory of this conversation and her feelings of unease would haunt Melody for the rest of her life.

     Two nights later they arrived at Joe’s parent’s house right on time.  All their friends were there along with Joe’s extended family.  Melody had learned to love each of his family members as if they were her own in the short time that she and Joe had been together.  They treated her like the daughter they never had and that had gone a long way to helping her to fit into their family.

     As the evening progressed much food was eaten and, more significantly a lot of alcohol was consumed.  Melody was getting concerned as she watched Joe and his friends drink beer after beer.  At first she tried gently to caution him to slow down, that there was plenty of evening left. 

     Joes brushed her aside and said, in a drunken voice, “I can hold my beer and I don’t need no woman to tell me when to stop!”  “Git out of my way woman and get me another beer.”

     Melody was shocked and hurt, Joe had never talked to her that way before, not even when he had been drinking; granted he had been drinking more tonight than she had ever seen him drink in the whole time that she had known him.  She looked around with tears in her eyes to see if anyone else had witnessed what had passed between them and caught the eye of Joe’s mother, Kathy.  Kathy gave her a knowing look and beckoned her over.

     “Let’s sit here where we have a little privacy and talk a spell.  It appears that Joe hasn’t told you about the darkness has he?” She said to Melody as she looked closely at her tear streaked face.

     “The darkness,” Melody said in confusion.  “I’m sure that I don’t know what you are talking about.  Joe and I don’t have any secrets between us though.  I tell him everything and he tells me everything. That is one of the things that is most important to our relationship.”

     “Now, honey, don’t go getting all upset with Joe.  This is one of those things that is real hard for a man to tell about, even to the woman that he loves,” Kathy said as she patted Melody on the knee.  “Ever since he was very young he has suffered from severe depression.  The worst bouts come on him right around Christmas time.  We don’t know why it is so.  You know of course that he is adopted.  We don’t have any idea what his life was like before he came to live with us and neither did the social worker who brought him to us.  For all we know he may have had some trauma during the Christmas season that he can’t really remember enough to tell about but his subconscious sure does remember.”  Kathy heaved a big sigh, “It makes him feel unmanly to be unable to control this.  Do you blame him for being embarrassed to tell you?”

     “Oh, Kathy,” Melody said, “did he tell you that we are going to have a baby?  I wonder if he is afraid that it is something that can be passed on to our child.  What a heavy burden for him to carry alone!  He knows how much I love him, there must be some way to get him to open up and tell me what is bothering him.”

     Kathy wrapped her arms around Melody and gave her a big hug.  She was sure that this girl was the best thing that could have happened to her son.

     “You just keep on loving him.  I am convinced that your love will be what saves him from the darkness as he calls it.” 

     “I hope so,” said Melody, “I love him more than life itself and I hope this child helps to heal him as well.”

     At that moment both women jumped as they heard a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot.  Melody screamed and ran toward the source of the sound.  As she rounded the corner into the front hallway she saw Joe lying in a pool of his own blood, in his right hand was a pistol and beside his head was the black felt cowboy hat that he always wore when he was bull riding.  As she slowly approached him she saw a piece of paper clutched in his left hand, a piece of the note paper that she had given him for his birthday the previous month with cowboys riding their horses across the top.

     Melody was aware of the rest of the party guests pressing in behind her but she didn’t turn her head.  She was intent on taking the note from Joe’s hand and reading what was written on it.  In Joe’s lazy scrawl that she knew so well were the words;

     “Melody,

 This time the darkness got me.  I just didn’t want it to get you and our son.  You go on, you are strong.  Ask my mom about it, she’ll tell you what I couldn’t.  Remember my love and you’ll be able to stay on the bull longer than I could.

Joe.”

Outside my window....it is a balmy 16 and the snow is gently falling.  It has been gently falling all weekend long, thus the reason for our not having seen an awful lot of Ian.  Even now my road warrior is out there making the highways byways safe for the crazies that come out in this kind of weather.

I am thinking...about sweet potatoes.  There must be something in them that my body needs because I have been thinking about them for several days (ever since the sweet potatoes ran out)

I am thankful for....tractors with buckets on the front of them. My husband and son are soooooo very busy that the tractor with the bucket on it makes it a quick and easy job to push the snow that has fallen out of the driveways before they go off to work.

From the schoolroom....you guessed it, Matthew and I have a full day planned.

From the kitchen....I don't know.  I am on laundry duty today so I will leave the cooking up to those who are better qualified to do that job.

I am wearing...long johns and a long flannel night gown.  It is cold and I am cold and I need to be warm.

I am creating....a new bag for our church organist to carry her music back and forth in.  Hers has worn through.

I am going....to be home all day unless the dr's office can find an opening for me today.  I have broken down and I plan on finally calling the dr.  I need drugs to get me over whatever it is that is ailing me.

I am reading....The Messenger

I am hoping....that the snow lets up long enough for Ian to come home and get a good eight hours of sleep.

I am hearing....Layn fussing in his chair, Melissa and MK chatting in the kitchen while they feed him, and the sounds of cutlery on dishes as they all eat their breakfast.

Around the house....it's not too bad here.  We spent most of yesterday at a friend's house so this place stayed relatively neat and clean.

A few plans for the rest of the week....schoolwork et al.  That's about the size of it.

Here is a picture thought that I am sharing with you....

Simple pleasures.  The memory of the big dude, his siblings, and his cousin decorating a cake together.  It is for this that I do what I do.

you got it just right.  There is enough snow to cover up all that mud but not so much that driving is prohibited. (not that I have any plans to go out there anytime soon.)

Did I mention that the sunshine is a nice touch too?

By the way I just want to let you know that I am very satisfied with this snowfall and you don't have to send any more.

Signed, your loving daughter.

21 years ago today you came into our world and made everything better.

Who else gets to celebrate their birthday for 3 days instead of one?

And gets two custom decorated cakes made by an expert imported all the way from Virginia?  only the Princess.  We love you MK.

I was sitting here in my chair, wrapped in a warm quilt reveling in the misery of my cold when I heard Mary-Kate ask if someone had pulled into the driveway.  That prompted a rush to the back door to see if the mailman had pulled in.  A package had come from Adam that was too large to leave in the box, and since it was addressed to me I had the pleasure of opening it to reveal what was inside.

Adam had sent Christmas presents to his family.  This beautiful bone china tea cup came on the perfect day to not only cheer me up but to help me get over my cold. 

So now with the loan of Matthew's teapot and a good strong cup of tea I should be on the mend.

No mother could have a better pair of sons than I do.

Outside my window...it's 21 and snow is beginning to come down from the sky.  Don't be shocked to hear me say this but we had rain last week and all of our snow is gone.  It might be nice to have another white dusting on the ground to cover up all of the sand and mud.  Just saying.

I am thinking....about holidays and new years.  Every year they come around.  New Year's resolutions and excitement about the turning of a new year.  I have often wondered if it wouldn't be easier if people just tried every day to change.  Perhaps there would be more progress that way.

I am thankful for....not much right now.  I am grouchy, cold, and achy and I am more inclined to moan, whine, and complain than to count my blessings.

From the schoolroom....I saw the bus go by this morning so that means it is a school day, right?  I didn't see the bus go by on Christmas day and I still did schoolwork, what's up with that?  Matthew and I both will have our noses to the grindstone and whatever other metaphor for working hard you prefer to employ today.

From the kitchen....that's not my job man.  Today I abdicate my queen of the kitchen crown to MK and give her my blessing to do whatever it is she likes.

I am wearing....jammies and likely I will be wearing them for most of the day.  I have no desire to drag my worthless carcass up the stairs and put on anything else.

I am creating....nothing, nada, nothing, zilch!!!!

I am going....nowhere, fast.

I am reading...."A Raisin in the Sun" for school.  Not a bad read.

I am hoping....that my sinuses drain, my head deflates, and my ears empty so I can become myself again.

I am hearing....MK and Melissa whispering in the kitchen.  They really should take their secret talk about my birthday to another room.  They forget that I have x-ray hearing and I can hear everything that they are saying.

Around the house....kitchen is clean, laundry is going, everything is put away from the weekend and Matthew is taking out the garbage.  Sounds like the minions have been up to no good this morning.

One of my favorite things....peace and quiet.  Boy do I sound sour and grumpy this morning. Guess it's because I am.

A few plans for the rest of the week....make it to the end, that should about do it.

Here is a picture thought that I am sharing with you....

Every Christmas I try to take a group shot of whoever happens to be here.  This year we did very well, Adam is the only one missing.  Working from left to right in the back row: yours truly, Doug, Jason, Kim, Caiti (my niece) and MK.  In the front: the Big Dude, Matthew, Ian, and Melissa holding Layn.