When I was growing up my brothers and sister and I used to ask my dad what he did all day at work just as any young kid will do.  Very often he would smile and say "It's top secret, I can't tell you."  I used to get a kick out of that only to discover later in life that there were a few things that my dad actually worked on that were secret.

My kids never have had to ask their father what he did at work all day long until  a couple of years ago after our fire.  For the first time in my husband's whole life he had to seek employment off-farm.  Even now that he works for a truck farmer my daughter still asks him everyday when he gets home, "So, what did you do at work today?"  I can tell you that he has never told her it was top secret.  He usually heaves a big sigh and launches into a narrative of all that went on at the farm that day.  Anyone looking at our family and seeing my five strapping sons would assume that one of them would have gotten the farming instincts from their father.  Alas, it was not to be so.  Although Ian loves to farm I think he is also as happy and fulfilled with a wrench in one hand and the other holding the diagram of an engine in the other.  My daughter is the one who was bitten, and bitten hard by the agricultural bug. 

Last night when I went to pick Doug up from work he wasn't finished yet and I happened to have my camera with me so I took pictures of what he does all day at work.  This is only a sampling since my husband is the jack-of-all trades on the farm.  When I got there he was unloading soybeans from gravity wagons and augering them up into this grain bin.

He parks the wagon beside the auger, turns on the tractor that drives the auger and opens the little door to let the beans come out.  The auger pushes the beans up the elevator and blows them into the top of the grain bin.

I love to stand beside the silo and listen to the tinkling sound of the beans hitting the sides of the silo as they go in.

That is my husband on top closing the door once the wagons are all empty and they are done for the night.  If it rains overnight you don't want water going down into the grain.  It was dark there because it took some time to empty the wagons and it gets dark early around here.

While Doug was unloading soybeans a tractor trailer came that I think was full of corn.  That backed up to another grain silo and tipped up and unloaded in the same way.  The little door in the back of the dump box opens and lets just enough come out to keep the hopper of the auger filling as it get augered up into the silo.  The smell of the corn is very delicious.  It smells like sunshine and autumn.

At another place on the farm the owner backed this truck in by the roaster and started unloading soybeans that had just been combined.  These beans will go through the roaster to dry before they are augered into the silo.  Once the roaster had been running for awhile the air was full of the smells of propane and peanut butter. 

Meanwhile back at the main barn the owner's wife and daughter were unloading sunflower seeds and bagging them for sale.  This truck dumps into a bin that is made of fine mesh screens that spins around.  As the seeds are spun the broken shells and any other seeds and impurities are spun out so that they are only selling sunflower seeds in those bags.  They fill the bags on a scale to make sure that the buyer is getting what they want then the bags are sewn closed and stacked on pallets.

All of these things and more Doug does each day that he goes to work.  If something is broken he fixes it.  If a farmer calls and wants a certain mix for his pigs, chickens, cows, horses, or whatever Doug is the man to mix it, bag it, and stack it for sale.  Sounds very busy and yet I haven't even touched on all that he does when they are cropping in the spring and summer.

No problem here with the eye hand coordination.

On October 1 Matthew turned 19.  Shortly after that we got a letter from the department of social services (I'm being petty today so I deliberately didn't capitalize) saying that he no longer qualified for Child Health Plus insurance.  I dutifully called the social worker and jumped through the appropriate hoops and got an appointment to enroll Matthew in Family Health Plus.  Before I get myself into too much of a lather I do have to say that the enroller that I talked to was a very nice young man and was very helpful.

This morning I took myself off to the city to take care of business.  Imagine my surprise when I found that the offices had moved from the little corner of the building across the street to an empty mega store on the other side of the block.  I am not kidding when I call it a mega store.  I walked into the lobby and there sits a security guard who promptly tells me to take a number and have a seat.  It takes me a minute to get her to understand that I don't need a number, that the enroller is waiting for my call to tell him that I am there.  Finally she gives up on me as if to say I must be stupid and goes back to her desk and leaves me alone.

Before I go any farther in this narrative and before any judgment is made, we used to pay for private insurance.  We used to pay $900/month for health and dental insurance for our whole family (8 people).  That got us less coverage than we have now and we could afford it then, barely.  Then we lost our livelyhood, my husband spent 9 months unemployed, and we are now recovering from both and thankful for the job that he has although it pays below the poverty level.  Private health insurance at the rate of $900/month is no longer an option for this family and no insurance at all is totally out of the question.  My husband takes a medication that costs $350/day that makes it possible for him to drive himself to and from work and stay awake all day long at work.  'Nuff said.

Usually when I go to such appointments I try to dress up a bit because I refuse to be a stereotype.  When I walked into that lobby I cannot begin to describe the types of people that I saw there.  I do not begin to judge or condemn any of those people but I will say that I know the cost of the cell phones that they were talking on and the cost that you pay to operate them, they could have at least dressed for the day.  Perhaps if some of them had taken a little pride in their appearance they wouldn't have been treated the way that they were.  (I am not excusing the workers either)

I literally saw a woman dressed like this.  Don't anyone try to convince me that there was a valid reason for any woman to come to social services dressed in night clothes for an appointment.  The place reminded me of the betting windows at a race track.  There was a big board on the wall and every once in awhile a voice would come on the loud speaker announcing the number being served and at what window.  All around me sat women in various states of undress, I kid you not, talking on cell phones bemoaning the fact that they had been there for hours, how that could be possible since the office had only been open for 30 minutes, and that someone who had just come in was called before they were; and they weren't quiet about it either!

After my appointment I was going to a funeral so I was dressed up a bit more than I usually am for an appointment (no that isn't me in the picture, I wish!).  All that got me was stares and glares from the other inmates of the lobby waiting room.  When the social worker finally came to the door and called my name the stares became lethal. 

Is this what healthcare insurance is coming to in our country? Where has the pride gone?  This isn't a rant against those who need these kinds of services but bewilderment for what is happening.  The people who sat there in the waiting room giving off an air of need, both for the services that they were applying for and for a bit of human compassion and carring, and yet not seeming to understand that they were throwing away their rights by their behaviour and attitudes.  Then there was the people behind the glass serving (there is a term that I use lightly in this case) I sensed no air of caring coming from them.  Instead they gave off a feeling of weariness and routine.  They were there for the paycheck and nothing more.  I saw no smiles no "good-mornings" or "have a good days".  They all seemed to simply go from one person to the next checking the boxes and signing on the lines.

I don't have a solution, in this fallen world I am afraid there really is no solution.  However there is a treatment.  If each of those people that I saw today had done his of her part to make each second better perhaps the people who were being enrolled in those programs wouldn't have felt so "cattle-like".  If each of those people that were waiting in line had taken the time to comb their hair, brush their teeth, and put on a clean shirt this morning than those who were waiting on them wouldn't have felt that his or her job was quite so routine.

Maybe I am an idealist but I wonder if these things just might help.  Rant over, I feel a bit better.

Outside my window...it is dark, but I know that it will eventually get lighter.  When I was in high school we did a musical and the only line from the play that I can remember is "It's always darkest just before they turn on the lights."  That always goes through my mind when I am thinking about the morning and what the weather is going to be like that day.  I assume that it is going to be chilly again as it has been all last week.  The days are making their inexorable march toward winter.  We even heard reports that there was snowfall in the Adirondacks over the weekend.

I am thinking....how unique my family is.  I recently purchased the series Planet Earth for Matthew.  How many 19 year old boys would be thrilled to receive such a gift?  Not many that I know.

I am thankful for....the time that we have together to appreciate each other.  I am thankful for the gift of the image of God that I see in each member of my family and the awareness that he has given me to appreciate that image.

From the schoolroom....learning will proceed as it does each and every Monday.  We cannot have Matthew and Mary-Kate shirking in their education.

From the kitchen....there is enough of the delicious beef stroganoff that I made on Sunday to get me off the hook for today but I had better put on my thinking cap for the rest of the week.  I have been thinking about quiche but that would require modifying a recipe to make it gluten-free.  We shall see.

I am wearing....jamies yet.  Haven't taken the time to get the day going yet.

I am creating....finished projects.  Yesterday Doug and MK got out the box of UFO's and this week I am going to get the quilting machine going.  Many the quilt tops to finish and many more in my mind to execute.

I am going....to help Doug take the last of the piglets to auction and then stay home for the rest of the day (hopefully!!!!)

I am reading.....a very scholarly tome by John Henry Cardinal Newman.

I am hearing....the normal sounds of the house waking from a long night's sleep.

Around the house.....there is much that needs to be done. In other words it is a normal Monday and mountwashmore has heaved up over the weekend so it must be conquered.  A whirling dervish has come through the house and stirred things up.  Fear not, the maid will be round and about and doing her special kind of magic and all will be set to right.

A few plans for the rest of the week....laundry, cleaning, school, cooking, praying, loving, laughing, living, and hopefully fulfilling a few dreams.

Here is a picture thought that I am sharing with you....

Saturday Doug and Ian spent the day working to convert a lean-to that is on our storage barn into a run in for the young stock for the winter.

Another day's work and they will have it closed up and the stantions built and a feeding system in place.  Then Ian can bring home the other animals that he has earned from other farmers.  They need to come home before snow falls so that they can get used to their new digs and the electric fences.

Poor Oreo is feeling a bit lonely since Mary-Kate's cow went to another farm for the winter.  Every time I go into the barn across the road he comes down and stands in the pen and bellers at me.  On second thought, maybe he isn't lonely maybe he is hungry.

Saturday Matthew and Brett got together as is their custom.  Part of the time was spent watching a movie.  Layn took the opportunity to sit with Brett and get to know him a bit better.  They seem to have no trouble with each other.

Mary-Kate and her dad spent some quality time together studying the relative merits of one computer over another online last night.  I love the look of concentration on her face.  When she is really intent on something out comes the tongue.

Here is a chuckle for everyone.  While I was trying to take a picture of MK and her dad Matthew seemed to want to get his bit of attention.  Not his best poses but worth a laugh for the world at large.   Enjoy!!!!!

Something that I have been thinking about for a very long time needs to be said only I’m not sure that I am finished perking this thing in my head yet so don’t be surprised if the end product is only half-baked. 

     The whole thought process was started along by a blog that was posted by one of my nieces here.  This young lady is a very intelligent and insightful person, if I do say so, who tends to follow her formation and upbringing and not the trends and fashions of the day in dress, behavior, and in thinking.  The final nudge to actually spouting what my brain had been formulating was a post by someone that I count as a friend and who I had often sensed was a tender and sensitive being; a post that cried out for more than a few lines in the comment section after her post.

     I have always struggled both with my weight and with self-image.  Throughout my married life my husband, dear man that he is, has assured me that as long as there is a smile on my face I am at my most beautiful.  Idiot that I am I never got it until recently.  Not to cast any blame since I have free will as everyone else has, the picture in the media and the movies on TV and the big screen don’t help much.  Then I read my nieces blog and it made me think.  Not just a passing think but a really deep think.  An, “I can’t seem to get away from this thing” kind of think.  May I even say that I would wake up thinking about her blog and go to sleep at night thinking about it.  I guess that is what some bloggers mean for us to do and Lady Catherine did it in spades.  

     The I started to open my eyes, that is not to say that I had previously gone around with my eyes closed all the time before, but I really opened my eyes and looked around.  Now I consider myself a people person.  I like to look at people and observe them and their habits.  What they do and what they say, what they wear and their little quirks.  Now I started to look at people in different ways.  I began to look at their looks.  What was that unique thing that made them attractive, not pretty, not stunning, but attractive.  What compelled me to take a second look or what compelled me to want to speak to a perfect stranger.  What is it about someone at the bank, grocery, drive-thru that makes me want to turn on my 100-watt smile.

     That is when I began to notice the sparkle in the eyes, the quirky little grins, the eagerness in the service, and the mannerisms.  Long story short, to quote a friend of mine, it wasn’t that any of these people were Hollywood material it was because they each has some unique thing about them that was attractive.  Like my husband says to me, as long as I have a smile on my face I am at my most beautiful.  He doesn’t see my big nose and my thin hair.  He doesn’t see the waistline that has suffered from seven pregnancies, he sees that one thing that he finds attractive and that is all that matters to him.

     Leah, when I first started reading your posts I was intimidated totally by your use of the English language.  You write my heart.  Your words are my feelings and my thoughts more times than you can know.  When I looked at your picture all I saw was a cute little pixie face with glasses that make you look like a little girl.  As your “self” and your life and child were revealed the intimidation melted away and there remained only admiration and a sense of the kindred spirit.  When you posted about being over-weight I read it and the kindred bond only tightened.  Again, all you did was write my heart and my thoughts.  You were doing what my niece and my husband talk about, you were just showing that part of you that is attractive, apparently to all your xanga friends, the rest doesn’t matter.  Lose your weight for you for you are the one who has to live in you, for the rest, we love you anyway.

Ian and Layn hanging out by the bonfire on Saturday night.  Some of our best times are when family just sits around, no agenda, no plan, just talking and eating and having a good time.

Matthew and Brett getting ready for an afternoon of airsoft.  These two friends are just like a comedy team.  They are a joy to have around and I forsee a future as a couple of very fine young men there.

Ian doing what Ian does best: working hard.  I wonder sometimes if the word responsibility wasn't etched somewhere in his heart.  He is learning to take time though, finally.

Mary-Kate's first day of online learning.  The firs tweek was a bit rocky but she now has the hang of it and I think that things will go as planned.

The patriarch.  The example that all my men have followed and a finer one they couldn't have found.

Melissa doing her daily workout.  That boy is one hefty child.  He just gets bigger and happier by the day.  I bless the day that they came to live with us.

My love always on the job and always on the move.  Nothing is going to threaten his family as long as he is around.

I couldn't resist taking this shot last weekend. Melissa is sitting in my garden harvesting basil for the dryer.  For a southern city girl she has certainly taken to farm life.  She also made the place smell so good that day.

Last year for Christmas Mary-Kate made Matthew this "Jedi" cape.  When it gets chilly in the house he breaks out the cape and masquerades as a Jedi knight.  Today it was just chilly enough, even with the stove going so that he had on his cape while he was reading his schoolwork.

Saturday evening he even ventured out of the house thus garbed while we were roasting weanies and making smores.  I think that one of the best things about my kids is that they don't have a problem being kids.  Pretending and dressing up are still in their bag of tricks.  May they never learn to take themselves so seriously that they stop having this kind of innocent fun.

Layn has had a head cold for the past few days so he hasn't been feeling very well.  Everyone here has been trying to comfort him and help him to get through this cold.  Matthew did his part this morning by spending some time entertaining Layn.

I would say by the look on Layn's face that Matthew was very effective in his effort to distract him from his discomfort.

Saturday was an absolutely glorious fall day.  The temperatures stayed in the 60's with a light breeze blowing all day long.  On the breeze, if one stopped to smell it, there was a faint hint of dry leaves, wood smoke, and corn ready to be harvested.

After lunch Doug cleaned off the fencing wagon, stocked it up and we went out to repair the fence across the road.  In the 27 years that I have spent on this farm I have learned a great deal about the ways of farmers and the particular language that farmers have for their tools and the things that they do, fencing is no different.  When a farmer builds fence there are several different tools that he uses to drill posts into the ground.

Personally I always thought that they used the tractor driven one that is pictured here but I was wrong.  This post-hole-digger is used to drill holes for corned posts because they have to be deeper.  The posts are usually longer and stronger and, I am told, there is more tension on them because the wire pulls from two directions.  Silly me, I guess I should have known that.

The straight bar that my husband is holding is another way of drilling posts. The first time that he said he was going to use that I thought he had lost his head or he was pulling my leg.  It does work however and I have even mastered the art of using the straight bar to put posts into the ground.  You drop the pointed end into the ground forcefully and rock it back and forth over and over until you make the start of the hole that you will pound the post into.

Once the post will go into the hole then you use the 16lb. post maul to drive the post firmly into the ground.  Since I am somewhat short I have to work the beginning hole a bit more than the men do because I can't swing the maul as high as they can, but I can do it. 

Watching and helping my husband repair fence is satisfying way to spend my fall day.  I pounded no posts and strung no wire on this particular Saturday but good conversation was had and many pictures were taken.