June 14, 2010

• A few thoughts on grief

  A line in the paper, a word from a friend, neighbor, a doctor, even a phone call can change a life in an instant.  Lately that seems to be happening with far too much frequency around this neighborhood.  A little while ago a dear friend called to say that a woman who has been a part of my life for the greatest part of my life died last evening.  Everyone has been waiting for this phone call for months.  Not only has it been expected and anticipated but it comes with a great deal of relief.  Brain cancer is nothing to laugh about and this lady suffered it with all of the dignity, grace, and peace that you cannot possibly imagine.  I am not a person to cannonize anyone because I don't believe in that but if I were to do that, Grandma Teepell would be the one.

  The brief conversation that I had with a young friend when I called to tell her family that Grandma Teepell had died has led me to contemplate grief.  While talking with Miss Grace we both acknowledged that her passing was a blessing.  Having just turned 85 and having suffered with cancer for months anyone would agree that the news of her passing should come as a relief to all who knew and loved her, that any tears shed are tears not for Grandma Teepell but for those left behind who will miss her presence in their lives.

  Then I got to thinking about anyone else who dies, young and old alike.  The usual comments when old people die are about how they have lived long and full lives.  When young people die the comments usually run along a different vein.  "They had so much to live for, so much life ahead of them."  This is all true but I propose that the tears shed are still not for the deceased but for those who have been left behind.  If the grieving are believers, believers in a life after death, in a God and a heaven and hell, than there is a belief that the deceased has gone onto something else, something better, or at least an uncertainty and a chance that by prayer and sacrifice, we who are left behind can assist those who have died.  If what comes after death is potentially better than life here on earth, why cry about all the life that was ahead of them?  Why grieve about the so much that they had to live for?  Instead, I think the tears are more for the grieving, those who have been left behind who are going to miss the deceased in their life.

  I am not saying that this is a bad thing, I admit that at this very moment I am shedding not a few tears that I will be missing Grandma Teepell.  Rather I am trying to put this all in perspective.  I am trying to acknowledge that although she is gone from my life, that I shall no longer see her and be able to speak with her, I still have her in my heart and mind and that she is truly present there.  That the sadness I feel is something that I have control over and that I can overcome and that I can use to the good and to honor her with rather than simply use to feel sorry for myself.

  Eternal rest grant unto her Oh Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her.  May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.  Amen.

  • 5:30 pm
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