June 1, 2010

  • Getting something off my chest....there I feel better, sort of.

    Love and Obligation

    I recently heard a couple having a conversation and the husband referred to his wife as an obligation, then he said that he also loved her in the next breath.   That took me aback and has had me thinking ever since about the connection between love and obligation.

    Love by definition is an act of the will which desires for the beloved what is good and holy.  That means that the one doing the loving wants only to do for the beloved that which is good and holy.  Obligation is a much colder word.  No less noble but it is still a colder word.  Obligation denotes a responsibility, something that is done simply because it is required and cannot or should not be escaped.  There is no connotation or denotation of love or feeling in the word obligation.  Just as an aside I find it offensive to refer to a spouse or a child or the relationship that anyone has with another human being as an obligation. 

    So where does obligation come in with love, or does it.  When one loves another person popular culture would say that there are certain responsibilities inherent to the maintenance of the relationship, but I am not talking about popular culture.  I am talking about love, real love the love that God has for us and wishes us to have for each other. 

    I believe that when one person loves another person there are inherent obligations but the beloved isn’t one of them.  The beloved is the inspiration, should be the inspiration, for the one who loves to fulfill what love requires.  The responsibility that is most basic to loving is to will what is best for the beloved.  Sounds easy right?  Not really.  No one, anywhere, ever has been able to effective change another person. Hasn’t ever happened and never will.  The only person who can change anyone is that person themselves.  So if you want what is best for the beloved the best thing that you can do, the most basic of obligation, is to change yourself, become the person that God wishes you to be.  That doesn’t mean that you spend all of your time working on your own faults and ignore the ones that you see in the beloved.  But it also doesn’t mean that you make the improvement of that other person your project for the rest of your days.  If your beloved inspires you to love than your love should be an inspiration, to the point that they are inclined to be worthy of such love, that is the obligation of loving.

    That man, who told his wife that she was his obligation, and that he loved her as well, is I think, seeing things the wrong way.  She isn’t the obligation, she should be the inspiration, and he is the obligation, to love her to the point that she is inspired by his love.

    Note: Lest any man think that this is meant to be one sided, it isn’t.  Love cuts both ways.

     

Comments (5)

  • It is also a wake up call to make sure that I don't feel like an obligation to my spouse

  • It takes a bunch of work to be happy. I do not see that as a bad thing. Nor do I view obligation a killer to love. I like the idea of being inspired by love too. No simple rules, those of the heart.

  • Enjoyed this

  • idunno - i got this 'feeling' the moment i read it - a --good one - see Italian was my 1st language --and  -i kina  always filter english words thru a "Romantic" (heheh) ...filter-- so -

    i went there..

    Etymology

    From ob (“‘to, against’”) + ligō (“‘bind, unite’”)

    To me, right away it sounded--sacred -  as in --NOthing More Important..

    now my chest is 2 cents lighter

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