August 23, 2009
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Musings
I don’t usually play “russian roulette” with the Bible searching for a verse that the Lord supposedly intends to use to sustain me on any given day. But today I happened to open mine and came upon this verse from Psalms and felt it appropriate to the day as I am hacking up what has settled in my lungs during the night. (no I am not a smoker nor have I ever been. But I have been an asthmatic for more than twenty years and I happened to have married into the wrong profession.)
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Ps 55:22 I don’t know how righteous I happen to be but he can have my burdens right now. I don’t spend a lot of time moaning and groaning about little things. The daily wheezing and coughing that normally accompany my getting up in the morning have been such a part of my life that not even my children are fazed by the sound of it. Allergies suck, to borrow a phrase from the young, and this is the height of the season around here. Although for my body there is no low to the season. It just seems today that it bothers me more than most days. Perhaps because my emotions are in an uproar also.
Mary-Kate goes back to school today. Wait, what’s my problem some may ask. After all, she is only 30 minutes away and comes home every weekend. My problem is that the nest is getting emptier and emptier. I am not one of those parents who had children because it seemed to be the thing to do. Raised them waiting impatiently for the day when they leave for good and I can have my life back. They and my husband are my life. I am a wife and mother. That is not only my job but my career and, more importantly, my vocation. Anything else that I may do is only a sideline.
So, MK is going off to school today. No more casual talks. No more spontaneous lunches out or going to the movies just to have a “girl day out”. No more hugs from her every night before I go to bed, smelling her newly washed hair and feeling the warmth and closeness of her. No more listening to her spar with Matthew and knowing that it is all in fun and that they love each other as only brother and sister can.
Yes, allergies suck, and so does letting your child go. So this is me pinning a smile on my face and putting a lilt into my voice and making it seem, for her sake that I am thrilled for her as she embarks on the next phase of her adventure. Thank God for husbands who are understanding without understanding. Who will hold me in his arms tonight and let me sob my sorrow and loneliness into his shoulder.
Godspeed MK.
Comments (8)
I’m sorry that you’re facing such a day. I’ve got you wrapped in prayers. I hope all traveling is safe today and that she returns home well and often.
I know you are proud of her and excited for her. May God comfort you and ease your loneliness, and also your allergies.
I personally believe God made beer just for days like today.
@Bricker59 - We are home and I have already indulged in my first and my husband has kindly suggested another since he announced that he has to work this afternoon. You are a philosopher and a gentleman!
I know exactly what you’re talking about! My only daughter just bought a condo and will be moving out in several months and I really don’t want to think about it! I know I’m going to cry…I was hoping she wouldn’t leave the nest until her wedding day but it isn’t to be. So I’ve been smiling through it all and being excited with her. A part of me is excited for her and a part of me would like to keep my darlin’ children with me always. Such is life, I suppose.
A prayer going up for you tonight….God bless…
Praying 2 Cor 1:3-5 for you.
and the beauty of Psalm 55 is that it is Christ’s righteousness He sees so cast away, cast away and He will comfort you.
Will be praying for you this week. If I could, I’d send a few out for you…not that I don’t love them but I would love to let them keep you busy.
@brbschrm - I very wise friend just told me that I am entering an new “season” in my life. I think I liked the old one better. My husband held me as I cried last night and then we talked well into the night. He suggested that I start a new adventure of my own. He is such a dear and understanding man. Yes I am a mother but I am a woman and a person also and he knows that I need something to make me “busy” and feel useful also. The care and keeping of this old barn are no challenge and he knows that so he is encouraging me to find another adventure and embark on that. I shall pray on it and let the Lord direct me. I shall also pray for you because I know where your heart is and mine hurts for you.
@ugotafriend - Send them on and I shall mother them as you do and send them back in a few years just as good as new. Thank you for all your love and encouragment my dear friend. I knew as I wrote this post that your heart would respond and ours would be in harmony. Hugs to you and yours and give the kiddos special ones from a friend far away.