Ian had the windows that were broken fixed on the monster truck this weekend then yesterday he took the time to wash it.  Now the monster truck is parked at his apartment with a for sale sign on it.  Anyone out there in Xanga land interested in buying it?  It’s a great truck he just has one too many.  I know of a seventeen year-old girl who is going to miss that truck when it is gone.  Mary-Kate had a good time going out mudding in the pasture with that truck.  Ian is a good brother to let his sister take his macho truck out in the field.  He even lets her take the blue dodge out when he comes over.  He only lets me drive the good chevy though.  That one he keeps for church.  Anyway, it’s all fixed and cleaned up and ready for anyone who wants to take a look at it. 

When we sold all the rest of our animals after the fire and it was determined that we were going to be unable to rebuild, my husband, (the man with the marshmallow center) kept the six calves that were born since the fire and a nurse cow because of the tears shed by our daughter.  (the man can hardly tell her no)  Last Friday the nurse cow had a calf.  Mary-Kate was overjoyed and I was a little perplexed.  Without a milking system just who is going to milk this animal by hand?  The calf can only drink so much.  During the weekend Mary-Kate and her father were milking her but this morning Matthew had to milk her.  Something has to be done.  This takes too long and no one will let me do it because of my bad back.  Oh well, what do I know.  They are enjoying the calf right now and who am I to take that pleasure away from them. 

This morning Matthew and I loaded three 8 week-old piglets onto the truck to be sold.  If I hadn’t been helping I would have had the camera out taking pictures of that funny sight.  Those piglets ran from us as fast as they could.  Even the lure of food couldn’t persuade them that we were a good thing.  We finally go three of them caught and into feed sacks.  Then it was up the auction house.  We had to move fast up there because they had wiggled and jiggled during the ride and were almost out of the bags.  We got them tagged and into the pens before they ran away.  I never like to sell my piggies but I know it’s a necessary evil.  These three were a lively bunch.  We’ll see what they bring and then decide if I take another bunch up next week. 

Thank you to all of you who knew about my MRI and were praying for me.  The results came back on Friday and this morning the dr called with his orders.  The disc is bulging but not herniated.  He wants rest for the next few weeks.  I don’t know how that’s going to be accomplished but we will try.  Thankfully there is to be no surgery.  That was my biggest dread.  I have had enough surgeries in my life and was not looking forward to another.  So my family will have to take on more of my work until the pain and swelling go away and I can get around better.  They have been so good so far, I hate to ask for more.  I guess lifting and loading piglets wasn’t a good idea.  That’s part of my problem, I just keep on going and going no matter what because I see it as my job and then I end up suffering and making others suffer because I make things worse afterward.  Better to be smart in the beginning (maybe set a good example for a change).

Thursday night was open house at Holy Cross.  Doug went and brought home Mary-Kate’s report card.  I think she did very well.  Religion 98, English 90, Economics 95, Math 88, Art 97, Choir 95.  Overall average 93.   Great job.

Here it is Saturday morning and he’s off to work.  Not mandatory or anything and we certainly can use the money.  For the first time in our married life we have had a savings account and something to put into it and of course we can’t keep it.  We have to use that to live because he had been out of work for so long.  So now he works on Saturday so we can put back that money.  Also we have to be able to pay the school taxes in the spring.  We have no idea what they are going to be since the barns all burned to the ground.  Less we know but by how much? 

So here is the dilemma:  a man is coming this morning at 11:00 to buy 20 bales of baleage and Matthew and I have to load it and make sure he doesn’t get stuck in our field.  Pray that it stays frozen until he get done.  (it won’t since it’s supposed to warm up before then, I checked)  It’s opening day of dear season and I would have liked to go out but I have to stay here to make sure that Matthew and Mary-Kate get up and do their chores.  They don’t always do that on Saturday because they are normal teenagers and like to sleep in on Saturday. 

Then I have to take Mary-Kate to organ in Utica and make sure that Matthew cuts enough corn for the pigs while I am gone without getting hurt.  He has to use a tractor (4 wheel drive) in a very wet field and a corn knife (very sharp).  He has to make several trips because he can’t take the spreader that we are using for a trailer into the field because he will get it stuck.  All the while I will be worrying about him getting hurt and stuck.  I don’t like it when things are all up to me.  Doug will be at Ferris working and Ian will be a Buddy’s working.  If something happens who do I call?

After all that they want me to take them to Syracuse, 30 miles away to see  the new movie Bella with their friends.  Now I don’t mind that but by that time it will be getting dark, (I don’t drive well in the dark) and the theater is in a mall (I don’t do malls).  Oh well, what we do as mothers is unconscienable.  I also have to make sure that a meal is gotten so that Doug is nourished when he gets home from work and I want to go to confession tonight. 

I think I should start praying now that everything goes smoothly and get ready to go to 8:00 Mass.  That should help.  Now I’m not usually such a whiner but I didn’t sleep much last night (which is no excuse I know) and I’m tired and that always makes me anxious.  Please God give me the strength to get through this day.  I surely could use my big soldier son around to help.  (not with all the driving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) He would be a big help with Matthew in the corn field though.

Hope that you were warm last night.  We got over an inch of snow last night.  The kids will be very excited when they wake up and find it out there. 

Have to go and get ready to go to Mass.

Here’s one I forgot to post.  Here is Elizabeth, the little girl that I used to babysit all dressed up as Tinkerbell.  She came to the door on Halloween.  When we let her in she immediately launched into a little ditty about “trick or treat, smell my feet. Give me something good to eat.”  When I asked her mom who taught her that.  Her mom said that her dad had. (of course)  She got her treats because she is so darn cute.  Then she damanded hugs from Matthew.  She has loved Matthew since she could demand anything.  Matt was her first word.  That got her some more treats.  Then she breezed her way out announcing that she was going to other houses to get more candy.  Boy do they learn young. 

How do you thank a man who gets up in the morning, goes to a job that he doesn’t like for you?  How do you thank a man who, for all his life so far, has worked with his hands in the great outdoors.  Has served his family and his God truly by the sweat of his brow, and now has to spend his day in a factory screwing together parts for lawnmowers.  How do you thank a man who has made this change and given up all that has defined his life with out complaint or question?

By doing the same for him.

Can’t sleep.   I have been thinking a lot lately about being away from home and what home means.  A recent discussion with a friend about the meaning of home has gotten me thinking about what it means to me.  Now I have been truly fortunate in my life.  I have never spent any appreciable time away from home.  I have lived all of my life in the same small approximate 40 mile area.  I have gone to schools, including college, worked, married and lived in this small area all of my 45 years.  This is not a complaint either.  I graduated from high school and went to college 30 minutes from home.  Had the good fortune to come home every other weekend to work.  Got married right out of college. (I actually quit school 3 weeks before graduation and got married shortly after that) and moved from school to the house you see pictured above.  Where I have lived for the last 24 1/2 years.  (hopefully I will be carried from this house and buried from here).

So what is home? Is it a feeling, a place or an atmosphere one establishes?  That was the discussion.  My opinion is that it is some of all three.  Now I am not the thinker that my wise and sagelike son is so I am not capable of going deeply into the philosophy of home.  But in my long life I have experienced home in many forms.  To me home is where and what you love.  My husband and I recently experienced that when our barn burned down and we were all scattered around town (literally) living in many friend’s houses while ours was cleaned of the smoke smell.  Home was where we were all together.  The places didn’t necessarily matter.  One Sunday we were together at a local rec. center to bowl and play pool and simply spend time together as a family.  That was home for us, not by virtue of the place but by virtue of our togetherness and our renewal as a family.  When our own house was cleaned and we were able to again take up residence, it took time for it to feel like “home” to us because of the strangers that had been in it but it was still home to us because we were once again together and we were relieved to be a family and alone once more. 

To me home is the pleasure of caring for my husband and children.  It is the meals that I put on the table and the clean laundry that I provide for them.  It is the “kissed” scrapes and the ear that I provide for the questions that they have.  Home is the vocation of motherhood and it requires no building to accomplish it.  But I surely do like the house that I provide that home in.

We are often told to count our many blessings.  This is very true.  But how many of us sit down and reflect on the magnitude of those blessings?  I am not talking about how many blessings that we have but rather how great are the blessings themselves. 

I was recently recounting how my husband and I met and the circumstances of our courtship and marriage.  What a blessing that was and still is.  How great the good Lord is and has been to me to have given this man who loves me so much.  He has truly taken his vows seriously.  In every moment and event of our married life he has not faltered one bit.  The good times have been easy but there have been many bad times and many trials that have come our way and not once has he ever indicated that anything but his total commitment to my and our children through it all.  Not a small wonder is this day and age.

As a mother is is valuable to sit and ponder the blessing of children.  Certainly in general and as a whole they are a blessing and a miracle but we should consider each one of them individually once in awhile.  My beautiful daughter for example.  Her being in our family is a miracle in itself.  She was born prematurely and could easily have been taken from us.  Her advancement in love of God and the practice of virtue is a wonder to behold.  No she is no saint and is far from perfect.  But the evidence of her struggle and her desire to stay close to Our Lord and Our Lady is truly a blessing.

My oldest son.  The answer to my secret prayer from the moment that I knew I was carrying him.  I wanted his father to have a son first.  Not that it would have mattered to his father or myself but what a blessing to have that prayer answered.  What a giving and loving individual he is.  His first and last thought is always for others and always has been since he was small.

My number three son.  When God put him in our lives is when he added sunshine.  May He never take the sunshine from my life by taking him away.  Generosity and kindness are the best words to describe this son and I think that his siblings would agree.

I chose this picture of number four son because talent is the blessing that best describes him.  God so filled him with talent of all kinds.  He can sing like a bird, it makes my heart break to hear it.  He plays the piano beautifully and I’m not the only one who has said so.  He can make an engine hum and he can make anything grow. 

Number two son is a blessing in more ways than I want to count.  He can take words and make them do things that poets only dream about.  He takes my thoughts and expresses them without knowing what they are.  He can sing so that you would want to sit and listen to exclusion of all else.  He also plays the piano.  His sense of humor is sharp and dry like a glass of fine wine, and he has a laugh that can infect a whole room.

When God made my youngest He took everything that was tender and sweet and put it into him and then added a measure of silliness just to balance it all off. 

Every parent should sit and think of the qualities of their children once in awhile and reflect on these blessings in their lives.  Maybe if that happened more often children would be considered something worthy to have in the life of a married couple rather than just something to help at tax time.  Perhaps couples would cherish their children more than their pets (as it should be) and fewer would be abused.

Thanks be to God for these blessings of mine.  May I never take them for granted and always consider them the gifts that you intended them to be.

Check out this web site  http://freerice.com  It is a cool way to test your vocabulary.  Warning: it can get addictive.  I have already donated 570 grains of rice. 

Yesterday was Doug’s first day of work. It’s the first time that he has had to have a job that isn’t farm related.  The first time in his life that he has had to rely on another employer to help him support his family.  All his life he has either worked for his father on the family farm or recently worked on his own farm.  Even in the past few months since we sold what was left of the herd we have been selling hay and machinery and he has only been doing part-time work for others.  Now he has to work off farm for his (and our daily bread).

He seemed calm and cool as he got ready for work and left yesterday morning.  If he was at all nervous it didn’t show at all.  I was nervous enough for both of us.  It was the longest day of my life.  I have never had to spend the day without him.  Even when he was making hay off farm, I was always able to go to where he was and spend some time with him.   I would often take a picnic lunch to whatever field he was cutting or baling in and surprise him.  But you can’t do that in a factory where they make lawnmowers.  Now I know that there are those who would say that I was spoiled and it was about time that ended.  Well it is ending.

So, what do you do when you are nervous and it is a long day and you miss your husband like never in your whole married life (24 years)?  You clean.  You clean the whole house from top to bottom.  Matthew, Mary-Kate and I went to 8:00 mass first thing yesterday.  Then we did a little shopping that needed to be done.  We paid a few bills in Oneida and saved soe postage.  Mary-Kate had her physical therapy session then we came home and we cleaned.  We swept floors, dusted the furniture, cleaned out closets and drawers and generally just picked up the clutter.  Matthew and I rearranged the living room and washed the floor under the furniture while Mary-Kate went up to the neighbors to clean their house. 

Then I cooked.  I made potato leek soup and bread and creme de menthe cake for supper.  When Doug got home I was exhausted and so was he.  He said he did very well but he isn’t used to standing still that long so it will take a little getting used to.  Today is supposed to be a busy day for me so it should go better.  I don’t think I will ever get used to being that far from him all day long.  Oh well, they say change is good.  I disagree but I guess I get no choice in the matter.