Month: September 2011
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The promises of the rainbow
Last night there were some thunderstorms in the area. We were spared the worst of the lightning but boy howdy did we have some heavy downpours. I think even my minimalist husband would have called a couple of them torrential downpours. Sitting here at my desk during one I couldn’t see past the overhang of the front walk. Later, when they were over the sky was gloomy and over cast still so no one thought to look for a rainbow. Suddenly, like a promise fulfilled the sun came out and there was not only a rainbow but we could see both ends of it shining brightly like a newly minted coin. When I went outdoors to take a picture, faintly, very faintly next to one end of the rainbow glimmered the image of another, as if it was valliantly trying to immitate the first. There in the picture, behind the house I managed to catch the faint glow of the second rainbow.The rainbow is a sign in the sky of God’s promise that he would never again destroy the earth by flood again. Between my husband and I a rainbow after a storm is a promise also. It is a promise of his abiding love for me and his protection of me against danger, real and imagined. Though the man cannot understand being afraid of anything unreasonable as lightning (something that I fear), he doesn’t question it but provides me with his love, comfort, and protection during the worst fears of my life. When the rainbow comes after a storm he points to it and reminds me that he loves me too, just as God does. He has even been known to call me from work to remind me to look for the rainbow so that I will remember that even from a distance, just as with God, he is loving me as no one else does. -
The Simple Womans Daybook 25 September 2011
Outside my window…it is dark. That could be because it is currently night time. Later on it will start to get light out, because it will get to be morning. When I came home from dog-sitting it was warmish out still and there was light fog descending in the fields along the road.
I am thinking…about those that I love.
I am thankful for….peace and quiet and the opportunity to finish my schoolwork without interruption.
From the kitchen…I assume that tomatoes and grapes will be prominent in tomorrow’s activities. It smells like a winery in here with the grapes in the dehydrator. It is a heady perfume indeed.
I am wearing…jammies (it is that time of night you know)
I am creating…cleverly crafted blocks of text (critical response essays) for school.
I am going…slowly out of my mind. Actually, I am going to bed when I get done translating what is in my head into electronic signals. Perhaps after all the words are out of my head and down onto virtual paper they will leave me alone and I can finally go to sleep.
I am reading…Henry James’ “The Turn of the Screw” a very creepy novel that I have to read for my Am. Fiction course.
I am hoping…that I get good grades on the two essays that I wrote this weekend because I felt lost the whole time I was writing them.
I am hearing…the bubbler in the fish tank, the fan in the dehydrator, and the clock on the wall ticking away the night.
Around the house…it is quiet and settled. Everyone is in bed and all feels right with my little corner of the world.
One of my favorite things…the short drive down Route 5 at this time of year. The highway is lined with maple trees on both sides. They are turning glorious shades of orange, red and yellow right now.
A few plans for the rest of the week….living my life the best I know how. Being the best wife, mother, grandmother, and student that I can be. This week I will also add teacher to that list since CCD classes will start on Thursday and I will be teaching grade 5 again.
Here is a picture thought that I am sharing with you…
Savannah sleeping in her stroller. She is the best baby.
Layn captured just for a second standing still. When this boy is outside he is on the go and getting dirty and never stops until someone captures him to bring him in to scrub the dirt off.
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Just keep praying….
My very wise confessor, who is privy to all the angst and pain that is housed in my heart and soul, gives this advice when going through a dark night, “Persevere! Keep praying and going through the motions. Eventually you will find your way back. It is often the dark night that is a test to see if you will be steadfast.” I am still wandering in the dark. The presence of the Lord in my life is ellusive and so his advice I take with faith and hope that at the other end my love and I will find each other again. In the meantime I find bits of comfort that I convince myself are crusts of bread dropped like a trail that I must follow and one of them is this new poet that I have discovered. He of course is not a new poet but one long dead, yet still new to me.I just discovered a new poetic love, Paul Laurence Dunbar. I had never read his work before but am now totally enamored with not only the man but with his literary talent. I downloaded one of his collections into my kindle and was thrilled to read the following excerpt from the introduction; “The world is too old now, and I find myself too much of its mood, to care for the work of a poet because he is black, because his father and mother were slaves, because he was, before and after he began to write poems, an elevator-boy. These facts would certainly attract me to himas a man, if I knew him to have a literary ambition, but when it came to his literary art, I must judge it irrespective of these facts, and enjoy or endure it for what it was in itself.” W.D. HowellsLIFE
A crust of bread and a corner to sleep in,
A minute to smile and an hour to weep in,
A pint of joy to a peck of trouble,
And never a laugh but the moans come double;
… And that is life!
A crust and a corner that love makes precious,
With a smile to warm and the tears to refresh us;
And joy seems sweeter when cares come after,
And a moan is the finest of foils for laughter;
And that is life! Paul Laurence Dunbar -
The Dark Night
All my childish life I have been taught
big words
omnipresent almighty
all-powerful (okay that’s two words)
Everywhere is where you are.
in the sun,
the moon, the breeze,
the leaves on the trees and the breath of a child.
But you have left me, I am abandoned.
Like a litany, a song that won’t end
your words circle in my head,
“I thirst!”
I cannot meditate, contemplate or even pray.
“I thirst!” “I THIRST!”
I close my eyes and I see the words that I hear.Satiate my thirst, I beg.
Come back into my world,
fill the void that you have left behind.
“I THIRST!”
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The Simple Womans Daybook 19 September 2011
Outside my window….wait a minute there is no window! I am sitting here at the picnic table so that I can multi-task. I want to work on my lessons and enjoy the crisp fall air. See, multi-tasking! The sun is shining, the air is cool and sharp with the smell of wood smoke. There are even undertones of the changing leaves and ripening field corn if you know what to sniff for. I can smell the ripening ragweed and goldenrod in the pasture across the way as well as the tang of the windfall apples and pears that the deer have browsed through this morning on their way to daytime feeding..
I am thinking…about holding my heart and soul inside my body.
I am thankful for….the changes of the seasons and how abundantly the human heart can revel in the scents and sensations that the changes bring.
From the schoolroom…education. The whole world is my schoolroom. Please God keep that knowledge always in my mind.
From the kitchen….MK is making lasagna.
I am wearing…an orange tee shirt and navy sweats.
I am creating…my own path to salvation one act at a time.
I am going…nowhere, fast. We are down to one car and Matthew has that at work today so I couldn’t leave this place if I had the desire or the get up and go. Since I have neither I guess I will remain content to stay and sit.
I am reading…The Sun Also Rises by Earnest Hemingway (it is for school otherwise I wouldn’t cloud my mind with such drivel)
I am hoping…hopes that cannot be expressed. Hopes that fill my heart and make it groan with sighs of possibility.
I am hearing…cars passing on the road over the hill behind us, the faint twitter of birds in the trees over my head, and the trill of crickets as they add their song to mix of sensations which herald the coming of fall.
Around the house…MK and Melissa have everything pretty much in hand. Melissa has taken Layn and gone to town to get groceries. MK is making the sauce for the lasagna. The laundry is well underway and our home is fragrant with the odors of love, cleanliness, and industry.
One of my favorite things….the sound of young teeth biting into a crisp fall apple and the look of surprise on the face of the biter when the apple bites back.
A few plans for the rest of the week…..my plans consist of the ordinary and routine. I wish to partake in the normal and the comfortable. I plan on wrapping myself in the familiarity of home life and family interaction.
Here is a picture thought that I am sharing with you….
The first MacIntosh of the season. Boy was he surprised when the apple bit him back with that first taste. I like Macs because they are tart and crisp from first bite to last. Layn begged grandma for her apple and I obliged him wondering what his reaction would be after a spring and summer of winter storage apples. I think he likes Macs as much as his grandma does.
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Space
There’s a big empty cavern that has opened up inside of me.
It didn’t happen all of a sudden but rather very gradually.
Each and every tear,
all the little insults and gouges
used to bounce off me like glancing blows
suddenly each and every one digs in—–
deeper and deeper.
Now, like a sink hole
my insides have been carved out
and nothing is left behind but,
space, formless, void.
Empty and hollow.
When I look inside even the insecurity and fear is missing.
There is nothing
just a gap where I used to be.